Tuesday, 16 March 2010
What Now?
What happens when the high is over? What happens when you hit the crash after the sugar rush? What then?
It Feels Like Monday.
The rain keeps pouring,
And the sun don't shine.
The road is muddy,
My shoes get dirty,
What a fine day it is today.
I drop my books,
I misplace my keys.
The food sucks today,
Everyone's extra annoying,
This totally feels like Monday.
Everything I do seems wrong,
I can't put anything right.
I'm trying my best for goodness's sakes,
But I just can't seem to catch a break.
It totally feels like Monday.
I hit the curb today,
My car has a dent in it.
My wheel's got a flat in it,
And it cost a shitload to fix.
Heck I just changed the whole tyre.
Got yelled at by the lecturer,
Forgot my history paper.
Showed up late for a class,
And got stared at for being last.
It totally feels like Monday.
Why can't this day just behave like it's supposed to,
Like a bloody Tuesday for God's sakes!
Everything I do seems wrong,
I can't put anything right.
I'm trying my best for goodness's sakes,
But I just can't seem to catch a break.
It totally feels like Monday.
And the sun don't shine.
The road is muddy,
My shoes get dirty,
What a fine day it is today.
I drop my books,
I misplace my keys.
The food sucks today,
Everyone's extra annoying,
This totally feels like Monday.
Everything I do seems wrong,
I can't put anything right.
I'm trying my best for goodness's sakes,
But I just can't seem to catch a break.
It totally feels like Monday.
I hit the curb today,
My car has a dent in it.
My wheel's got a flat in it,
And it cost a shitload to fix.
Heck I just changed the whole tyre.
Got yelled at by the lecturer,
Forgot my history paper.
Showed up late for a class,
And got stared at for being last.
It totally feels like Monday.
Why can't this day just behave like it's supposed to,
Like a bloody Tuesday for God's sakes!
Everything I do seems wrong,
I can't put anything right.
I'm trying my best for goodness's sakes,
But I just can't seem to catch a break.
It totally feels like Monday.
Hey Mr. Unenthusiastic.
Ok what's the deal here? This is ridiculous but it's a group project and it needs everyone to be in it. So what is UP with you? I know you have other projects going on as well but then if you're so uninterested then why sign up for this in the first place? Your friend asked you to join, well then! *throws hands up in frustration*
I mean this is ridiculous. It's like you're not even interested. No, correction, you aren't interested are you? Not really you're not. Tell the truth.
It's like I do half the work, and S pretty much does the other half. All you do is show up and do the minimal amount. You don't even try to make it better eventhough you obviously can, you just sit there like a rock.
But I know being disappointed in someone's lack of interest is just plain pointless and demanding. So... *shrugs* Ah fuck it lah.
I mean this is ridiculous. It's like you're not even interested. No, correction, you aren't interested are you? Not really you're not. Tell the truth.
It's like I do half the work, and S pretty much does the other half. All you do is show up and do the minimal amount. You don't even try to make it better eventhough you obviously can, you just sit there like a rock.
But I know being disappointed in someone's lack of interest is just plain pointless and demanding. So... *shrugs* Ah fuck it lah.
Monday, 8 March 2010
The Power Of The Waterworks.
My friend and I were discussing something tonight. We had just discovered that men have an innate power themselves. And that power is called... The Power of the Waterworks. *smug smile*
Yes, guys' tears apparently have more of the whoa! factor than girls' ones do.
Maybe it's because guys are not "supposed" to cry. It's the whole gender roles thing. Typically, girls are the ones who're supposed to tear up at every little thing and guys don't cry. "Real men" don't cry. So when a guy cries, it's like nuclear, man! Because it's so uncommon, so out of character that when a guy cries, you feel like, "Oh my gosh! This must be huge because he's crying!!!"
So then the girls just get real freaked out and ta-da. Looks like girls aren't the only ones who can cry to get what they want. My friend actually did that and ta-da! Instant resolution to the fight at hand. Beautiful. A bit freaky for the girl, but gotta say. Can't underestimate the power a guy's tears as well.
We theorized it this way.
Guys crying has this bombshell effect that creates major shockwaves around when it happens in public. But if used once too often, then the effect quickly diminishes to the extent where it becomes almost non-existant and even starts to take on an extra annoying quality. It's like potential energy. The higher you go, the higher the gathered potential energy. The longer you wait before your next outburst of tears, the bigger the impact.
Girls crying on the other hand is a more... consistent quality. It does not take as long to recharge and the effects are pretty much at the same level everytime it happens. What that level is depends on the person the tears are directed at. But it doesn't really have that nuclear, shocking effect as when a guy cries in public. And the longer you wait before turning on the waterworks, does not really directly correlate with the amount of effect it has. However, if pulled off too often, it would also slowly lose its impact. But not as quickly and as much as for the guys.
There are exceptions of course. There will be girls who're so known for their emotional strength that seeing them cry is like a huge thing. And there are guys who're so known for their sensitive side that them crying is not quite that shocking as it would otherwise have been. But then really, how many of these cases are there.
Somehow gender assigned roles have been set. Girls are the ones who get to burst into tears more, and guys generally need to stay away from the bawling and the sobbing. Because it's just "not cool".
What do you think? Fascinating, no?
There is also an article which stated that crying is apparently therapeutic (quite obviously), and therefore people who allow themselves to cry more tend to have a more effective stress level reducing technique at hand and would tend to live longer. So crying is healthy. :)
Go on boys, give it a try.
Yes, guys' tears apparently have more of the whoa! factor than girls' ones do.
Maybe it's because guys are not "supposed" to cry. It's the whole gender roles thing. Typically, girls are the ones who're supposed to tear up at every little thing and guys don't cry. "Real men" don't cry. So when a guy cries, it's like nuclear, man! Because it's so uncommon, so out of character that when a guy cries, you feel like, "Oh my gosh! This must be huge because he's crying!!!"
So then the girls just get real freaked out and ta-da. Looks like girls aren't the only ones who can cry to get what they want. My friend actually did that and ta-da! Instant resolution to the fight at hand. Beautiful. A bit freaky for the girl, but gotta say. Can't underestimate the power a guy's tears as well.
We theorized it this way.
Guys crying has this bombshell effect that creates major shockwaves around when it happens in public. But if used once too often, then the effect quickly diminishes to the extent where it becomes almost non-existant and even starts to take on an extra annoying quality. It's like potential energy. The higher you go, the higher the gathered potential energy. The longer you wait before your next outburst of tears, the bigger the impact.
Girls crying on the other hand is a more... consistent quality. It does not take as long to recharge and the effects are pretty much at the same level everytime it happens. What that level is depends on the person the tears are directed at. But it doesn't really have that nuclear, shocking effect as when a guy cries in public. And the longer you wait before turning on the waterworks, does not really directly correlate with the amount of effect it has. However, if pulled off too often, it would also slowly lose its impact. But not as quickly and as much as for the guys.
There are exceptions of course. There will be girls who're so known for their emotional strength that seeing them cry is like a huge thing. And there are guys who're so known for their sensitive side that them crying is not quite that shocking as it would otherwise have been. But then really, how many of these cases are there.
Somehow gender assigned roles have been set. Girls are the ones who get to burst into tears more, and guys generally need to stay away from the bawling and the sobbing. Because it's just "not cool".
What do you think? Fascinating, no?
There is also an article which stated that crying is apparently therapeutic (quite obviously), and therefore people who allow themselves to cry more tend to have a more effective stress level reducing technique at hand and would tend to live longer. So crying is healthy. :)
Go on boys, give it a try.
Let Me Be A Girl.
I caught myself saying to my friend tonight, "Let me be a girl." And I thought, hey, now that's something. It's true.
I seldom get the chance to be a girl. Somehow, during most times I just can't. Not really. Not enough. And so for tonight, yeah, let me be a girl. :)
I seldom get the chance to be a girl. Somehow, during most times I just can't. Not really. Not enough. And so for tonight, yeah, let me be a girl. :)
Sunday, 7 March 2010
Gibberish At Midnight (Hours Past-Midnight).
I am so hungry right now. I am starving. My stomach is playing an orchestral symphony right now! And I think I can even hear strains and Handel's Messiah. This can't be good for you... :s I need some food to get it to the Hallelujah chorus though.
This is what you get for staying up till ungodly hours of the morning. I swear people in the neighbourhood are waking up or have woken up right about now and I haven't even gone to bed yet.
I am so hungry I could eat a whole restaurant right now.
My friend once asked in response to a similar statement. "The WHOLE restaurant? Bricks, chairs and all?"
And I replied, "The level of my hunger right now? Yes, the whole restaurant. Bricks, mortar, chairs, tables and all."
This really can't be good for you... :s
On a completely unrelated note, my friend once asked me if silence in a conversation between two people is good. She described the silence as having finished the topic they were previously on and not having a new one to start up on instantly.
So I asked if the other party made conversation back.
And she said he did. He would try to start conversation and get a discussion going if things got too silent and cricket orchestra got too loud.
So I said, "Then like that ok lah. If the other person is also willing to make conversation back and takes a fair share in starting the conversation, then like that even if got silence also it's still not completely traffic jam yet."
Something along those lines. She cracked up a "traffic jam". I do rather like the metaphor myself.
On another completely unrelated note, my cousin told me a hilarious story. At least, I found it hilarious. The people I was telling it too didn't get the hilarity of it. Maybe because I was too busy laughing to tell it properly. Either that or I just have a funny sense of humour.
My cousin loves black and white clothing. She loves the whole monochrome thing. Her closet is full of black and white clothes. Mostly black, apparently.
So one day, her sister and her went shopping and coincidentally, came back with ALL black clothes. Black skirts, black shorts, black shirt, the works. They laundered the clothes and put them on the clothesline outside their house.
One fine breezy day, their mother, my aunt, walked past the open window, looked outside, and exclaimed, "Aiyo! Why so sui!" when she saw the lines of black clothes flapping in the breeze. LOL!!!
That was just TOO funny!
This is what you get for staying up till ungodly hours of the morning. I swear people in the neighbourhood are waking up or have woken up right about now and I haven't even gone to bed yet.
I am so hungry I could eat a whole restaurant right now.
My friend once asked in response to a similar statement. "The WHOLE restaurant? Bricks, chairs and all?"
And I replied, "The level of my hunger right now? Yes, the whole restaurant. Bricks, mortar, chairs, tables and all."
This really can't be good for you... :s
On a completely unrelated note, my friend once asked me if silence in a conversation between two people is good. She described the silence as having finished the topic they were previously on and not having a new one to start up on instantly.
So I asked if the other party made conversation back.
And she said he did. He would try to start conversation and get a discussion going if things got too silent and cricket orchestra got too loud.
So I said, "Then like that ok lah. If the other person is also willing to make conversation back and takes a fair share in starting the conversation, then like that even if got silence also it's still not completely traffic jam yet."
Something along those lines. She cracked up a "traffic jam". I do rather like the metaphor myself.
On another completely unrelated note, my cousin told me a hilarious story. At least, I found it hilarious. The people I was telling it too didn't get the hilarity of it. Maybe because I was too busy laughing to tell it properly. Either that or I just have a funny sense of humour.
My cousin loves black and white clothing. She loves the whole monochrome thing. Her closet is full of black and white clothes. Mostly black, apparently.
So one day, her sister and her went shopping and coincidentally, came back with ALL black clothes. Black skirts, black shorts, black shirt, the works. They laundered the clothes and put them on the clothesline outside their house.
One fine breezy day, their mother, my aunt, walked past the open window, looked outside, and exclaimed, "Aiyo! Why so sui!" when she saw the lines of black clothes flapping in the breeze. LOL!!!
That was just TOO funny!
You Know The Feeling?
You know the feeling of knowing that you CAN do something. You do have the ability to do it, if not well even, and yet somehow, your brain is just too lazy to dig up that skill from the cupboard and to get it kick started?
So you just go about thinking you wanna do it, trying to do it, but when the real thinking process comes along, you just get too lazy to think and abandon the whole thing. What you get are vague, hazy ideas of how you could finish your project and make it good, but it needs more work and polishing to actually make that hazy vision happen. That's when your brain suddenly decides to up and leave for vacation in Bali or something. Wtf wei. Why so damn lazy one. -_-"""""""""
So you just go about thinking you wanna do it, trying to do it, but when the real thinking process comes along, you just get too lazy to think and abandon the whole thing. What you get are vague, hazy ideas of how you could finish your project and make it good, but it needs more work and polishing to actually make that hazy vision happen. That's when your brain suddenly decides to up and leave for vacation in Bali or something. Wtf wei. Why so damn lazy one. -_-"""""""""
Nocturnal.
Ok this is ridiculous. I am turning nocturnal. Literally. Somehow I only get what I wanna write in the insanely early hours of the morning. This in turn, results in me writing for a few hours and not sleeping. You see how this can be a problem. Especially when you have to keep to the schedule of the rest of the world. Funny lah.
Gamers and Their Semangat Gaming.
Holy shit, I think now I understand those gamers and their kick-ass win win win! gaming spirit.
I guess when you're in the heat of the situation, example, in a game, you get caught up in it and you feel like you need to win it. Or even if you can't you sure as hell are gonna try!
Reason I could feel it firsthand? I recently started trying out playing an online game and I could feel the vibe of it just emanating from my fellow players. The better ones really get into it and can get a little... anxious, or... enthusiastic, about it. And from Salt's stories about his other gaming friends, I'm just grateful that I've never teamed up with some of the more uh... snappy ones before.
These guys take their gaming seriously. And words and tones can get pretty harsh in the process, apparently. And being the beginner, I am obviously weak at the game. So playing it with the more experienced players sometimes makes you feel guilty. Because you feel like you're the only weak link and you're slowing down everybody else.
The vibe I get off my friends, somehow I feel that that is nothing compared to how it's like in serious gaming. *laughs* I guess when you're in the heat of the battle, it can get a bit tense, urgent and uh... "kan cheong". So I guess in a way it's understandable, how they can get so wound up. Especially if they're serious about the game and they're good at it.
But at the end of the day, like Water so creatively *laughs* named his character, itsjustagameitsjustagame. And after it's over, the gamers' frazzled nerves and adrenaline levels can return to normal and they'll once again behave like their usual, more relaxed selves. :)
I guess when you're in the heat of the situation, example, in a game, you get caught up in it and you feel like you need to win it. Or even if you can't you sure as hell are gonna try!
Reason I could feel it firsthand? I recently started trying out playing an online game and I could feel the vibe of it just emanating from my fellow players. The better ones really get into it and can get a little... anxious, or... enthusiastic, about it. And from Salt's stories about his other gaming friends, I'm just grateful that I've never teamed up with some of the more uh... snappy ones before.
These guys take their gaming seriously. And words and tones can get pretty harsh in the process, apparently. And being the beginner, I am obviously weak at the game. So playing it with the more experienced players sometimes makes you feel guilty. Because you feel like you're the only weak link and you're slowing down everybody else.
The vibe I get off my friends, somehow I feel that that is nothing compared to how it's like in serious gaming. *laughs* I guess when you're in the heat of the battle, it can get a bit tense, urgent and uh... "kan cheong". So I guess in a way it's understandable, how they can get so wound up. Especially if they're serious about the game and they're good at it.
But at the end of the day, like Water so creatively *laughs* named his character, itsjustagameitsjustagame. And after it's over, the gamers' frazzled nerves and adrenaline levels can return to normal and they'll once again behave like their usual, more relaxed selves. :)
Aaaah... I Think Now I Get It.
A couple of friends have introduced me to this concept before. Liking someone and happily not expecting any feelings to be returned. I was like, "Huh???"
I didn't get it. I couldn't get it. I was like what the fuck?
T once told me, sometimes it's nice to like someone. It's just a nice feeling. To like someone, then you keep it. You'll be happy everytime you see him and get the chance to talk to him. She said all this with the most adorable smile on her face. But then again, T has always been quite endearing. *smiles*
N pretty much has the same opinion as well. Hers goes along the line of, if you like someone, it doesn't mean he has to like you back. Just enjoy the feeling of it.
I was like, enjoy the feeling??? I HATE the feeling. What part of it is nice??? Tell me! *imagine that sentence said with the most incredulous expression on my face*
I really couldn't get it.
But I think... That now I know. Now I do.
It's a bit different, but similar too.
Basically the case is, I gave up on the guy. I just gave up on it. So I am now basically just enjoying admiring him. Oh yes, I do like him. But with no hope whatsoever, even if there is it is so minimal as to be negligible, I am now just enjoying the admiration of him. Giggling about him. Talking about him. The feeling excited just to see him. Etc.
You know how when you talk to your girlfriends and they either have bfs or people they're crushing on?
One goes, "Oh my God! Guess what my baby did for me!" *squeals with excitement and happiness*
Sidenote: For some reason or other, ALL of my friends call their sweethearts "baby". I even got so tired of hearing the word everywhere I once suggested to my friends who're together, "Why baby? Why not you guys call each other something different? Like sugar, or honey, or anything! Other than baby. It's like everybody's going biii here, biiii there. Come on people, some variety! Please!"
Ok, so one goes, "Oh my God! Guess what my baby did for me!" *squeals with excitement and happiness*
Another one also goes, "Holy shit the guy is SO cute!!! Ohmygod I like him so much. I just melt..." *lets out a squeal of excitement*
Yet another one goes, "I know what you mean!!! This guy that I like, he is SO hot! I am so in love..." *blissed out smile*
As a single girl who is not interested in anyone at the moment, you can just go, "Oooh hahaha!" or, "Yeah! Hahahaha!" You really have nothing much to say, because you don't have your own story to share.
But if you are interested in somebody, then suddenly you have this guy to giggle over as well with the rest of the girls. It just makes things more fun.
Because now, you can go, "OMG!!! Yes! I know! My guy is SO cute too! *happy sigh* I like him." *smiles*
Then the giggling and chatting goes on.
Something like that.
That's once of the benefits. Then the others are just you know, feeling happy to see him, to talk to him, feeling excited about the prospect of meeting him, the nice feeling when he smiles at you or laughs with you, etc. To have all that, without the friggin' emo-ness that comes with most of my crushes would be a good feeling in a way, I guess.
But then I wonder. Is it only that way because you don't like the person enough? Could it be that the crushes where you can still feel that way without getting all emo over it are just not the ones that're really strong?
Because it's just illogical in a sense. How can you fall for someone crazy intensely and still be perfectly happy and content that he or she doesn't even look your way? Doesn't seem to fit.
I am feeling the fun-ness of it all now just because mainly, I have given up on the whole thing. So it's like I don't care so much anymore.
And you know what people say about giggly girl crushes. They're never serious.
The serious ones won't be that giggly anymore I bet.
So maybe those crushes my friends had were just minor ones. Minor enough that they could enjoy the feeling without investing too much emotion and care into the whole thing to make them feel the emo-ness.
Interesting.
I should probably stop talking about love and related subjects now. I get the feeling I've been posting too much about the stuff lately. But what can you do! You can't deny. There's just so much about it and to it. It's such a fascinating subject! *earnest wide-eyed look*
There's just a lot to talk about I guess, where this particular constitution is concerned. :)
I didn't get it. I couldn't get it. I was like what the fuck?
T once told me, sometimes it's nice to like someone. It's just a nice feeling. To like someone, then you keep it. You'll be happy everytime you see him and get the chance to talk to him. She said all this with the most adorable smile on her face. But then again, T has always been quite endearing. *smiles*
N pretty much has the same opinion as well. Hers goes along the line of, if you like someone, it doesn't mean he has to like you back. Just enjoy the feeling of it.
I was like, enjoy the feeling??? I HATE the feeling. What part of it is nice??? Tell me! *imagine that sentence said with the most incredulous expression on my face*
I really couldn't get it.
But I think... That now I know. Now I do.
It's a bit different, but similar too.
Basically the case is, I gave up on the guy. I just gave up on it. So I am now basically just enjoying admiring him. Oh yes, I do like him. But with no hope whatsoever, even if there is it is so minimal as to be negligible, I am now just enjoying the admiration of him. Giggling about him. Talking about him. The feeling excited just to see him. Etc.
You know how when you talk to your girlfriends and they either have bfs or people they're crushing on?
One goes, "Oh my God! Guess what my baby did for me!" *squeals with excitement and happiness*
Sidenote: For some reason or other, ALL of my friends call their sweethearts "baby". I even got so tired of hearing the word everywhere I once suggested to my friends who're together, "Why baby? Why not you guys call each other something different? Like sugar, or honey, or anything! Other than baby. It's like everybody's going biii here, biiii there. Come on people, some variety! Please!"
Ok, so one goes, "Oh my God! Guess what my baby did for me!" *squeals with excitement and happiness*
Another one also goes, "Holy shit the guy is SO cute!!! Ohmygod I like him so much. I just melt..." *lets out a squeal of excitement*
Yet another one goes, "I know what you mean!!! This guy that I like, he is SO hot! I am so in love..." *blissed out smile*
As a single girl who is not interested in anyone at the moment, you can just go, "Oooh hahaha!" or, "Yeah! Hahahaha!" You really have nothing much to say, because you don't have your own story to share.
But if you are interested in somebody, then suddenly you have this guy to giggle over as well with the rest of the girls. It just makes things more fun.
Because now, you can go, "OMG!!! Yes! I know! My guy is SO cute too! *happy sigh* I like him." *smiles*
Then the giggling and chatting goes on.
Something like that.
That's once of the benefits. Then the others are just you know, feeling happy to see him, to talk to him, feeling excited about the prospect of meeting him, the nice feeling when he smiles at you or laughs with you, etc. To have all that, without the friggin' emo-ness that comes with most of my crushes would be a good feeling in a way, I guess.
But then I wonder. Is it only that way because you don't like the person enough? Could it be that the crushes where you can still feel that way without getting all emo over it are just not the ones that're really strong?
Because it's just illogical in a sense. How can you fall for someone crazy intensely and still be perfectly happy and content that he or she doesn't even look your way? Doesn't seem to fit.
I am feeling the fun-ness of it all now just because mainly, I have given up on the whole thing. So it's like I don't care so much anymore.
And you know what people say about giggly girl crushes. They're never serious.
The serious ones won't be that giggly anymore I bet.
So maybe those crushes my friends had were just minor ones. Minor enough that they could enjoy the feeling without investing too much emotion and care into the whole thing to make them feel the emo-ness.
Interesting.
I should probably stop talking about love and related subjects now. I get the feeling I've been posting too much about the stuff lately. But what can you do! You can't deny. There's just so much about it and to it. It's such a fascinating subject! *earnest wide-eyed look*
There's just a lot to talk about I guess, where this particular constitution is concerned. :)
Mademoiselle's "System".
"You're looking chic as usual, Mademoiselle."
"But of course! I AM Mademoiselle. There must've been a reason you decided to call me that."
"Not quite the reason you had in mind."
"I know. But nevertheless," she waved casually from the armchair she was lounging on.
Mademoiselle you do fascinate me sometimes.
I earned another interesting snippet from her today and it struck me as well, interesting.
Mademoiselle says.
You know for some reason, I am harsher in my opinions and less forgiving to the people I do care about compared to the people I don't care about. I am less forgiving of their character, I tend to think the worst of them instead of the best and the concept of the benefit of the doubt? Practically non-existant when it comes to them.
... Ok... Uh... Why?
Oh you know, it makes perfect sense once I explain it to you. You'll see. It's because the people I care about can actually hurt and disappoint me. So I see the worst in them so that I won't be too nastily surprised just in case it does happen. Expect the worst and you'll never be disappointed, so they say.
Ok... But are you sure that works with uh... people?
Of course! The same principle applies. I think the worst of them. If there is an incident and anything even hints at it being an indication of bad character, then I take that option and I choose to believe that more than "seeing the good in them" and giving them the benefit of the doubt. Because you never know. If they are really like that or not. So I don't want to be disappointed. *she looks away with a bit of a faraway look* I don't like to be disappointed.
... I can't afford to be wrong about that. I can't afford to be "misled". *Then she clicks Seamus open and said*. It's safer this way.
Oh come on Mademoiselle, that's quite unfair you know. Nobody likes to be seen that way. Nobody likes to have someone think the worst of them and mistake their intentions for something negative. It's quite hurtful.
I know. But they never have to know. I keep my opinions to myself and I am a very good actress when it comes to things like that. That's just for me to live by.
It can show.
It can and it has. But screw it. They can take it. *Again the vacant look* It's not so big a deal really. That's just my system.
... ... ...
So, if you see me being very forgiving about someone character, thinking the best of them and giving them all the benefit of the doubt, which I usually am, it actually means I don't really give a shit about them. *smiles* So even if I turn out to be wrong... *apathetic shrug* Nyeh.
Well... Well.... *crickets chirping* WELL... That's a very interesting point of view you've got actually. I gotta say. It's... interesting.
I know. Isn't it cool? *nonchalantly sips chai*
There was a silent moment then.
"Although..." she says suddenly, slowly, running her fingers in circles around the rim of her cup. "It doesn't mean that I don't have the capacity to love you know. I do."
Well that's a good thing Mademoiselle. :) Sometimes people do stuff and say stuff that may make them seem like something, but the truth can be something else. They may not actually be lying. Mademoiselle isn't. They're being truthful. But sometimes, the truth can be a little bit more complicated. Like Mademoiselle's system as discussed above.
Contemplative moment over, she suddenly looked at me.
"You're not gonna write about this are you?" "It's not good for my image. This, *she gestures* all this."
"Well... I might. I could. I... would. Unless you ask me not to, that is." "Do you really want to be seen that way?"
"It's fine by me."
*shakes head slowly* "You and your wall. You know, sentiments are allowed. And letting people know about them is not such a bad thing. You handle it with such distaste like it's a poison."
"Well, look who's talking." She eyes me over her coffee cup.
"Oh go ahead, it doesn't matter anyway. It's not like they even know who I am." she says with another careless wave.
Yes Mademoiselle. They don't know.
I really do have weird friends.
"But of course! I AM Mademoiselle. There must've been a reason you decided to call me that."
"Not quite the reason you had in mind."
"I know. But nevertheless," she waved casually from the armchair she was lounging on.
Mademoiselle you do fascinate me sometimes.
I earned another interesting snippet from her today and it struck me as well, interesting.
Mademoiselle says.
You know for some reason, I am harsher in my opinions and less forgiving to the people I do care about compared to the people I don't care about. I am less forgiving of their character, I tend to think the worst of them instead of the best and the concept of the benefit of the doubt? Practically non-existant when it comes to them.
... Ok... Uh... Why?
Oh you know, it makes perfect sense once I explain it to you. You'll see. It's because the people I care about can actually hurt and disappoint me. So I see the worst in them so that I won't be too nastily surprised just in case it does happen. Expect the worst and you'll never be disappointed, so they say.
Ok... But are you sure that works with uh... people?
Of course! The same principle applies. I think the worst of them. If there is an incident and anything even hints at it being an indication of bad character, then I take that option and I choose to believe that more than "seeing the good in them" and giving them the benefit of the doubt. Because you never know. If they are really like that or not. So I don't want to be disappointed. *she looks away with a bit of a faraway look* I don't like to be disappointed.
... I can't afford to be wrong about that. I can't afford to be "misled". *Then she clicks Seamus open and said*. It's safer this way.
Oh come on Mademoiselle, that's quite unfair you know. Nobody likes to be seen that way. Nobody likes to have someone think the worst of them and mistake their intentions for something negative. It's quite hurtful.
I know. But they never have to know. I keep my opinions to myself and I am a very good actress when it comes to things like that. That's just for me to live by.
It can show.
It can and it has. But screw it. They can take it. *Again the vacant look* It's not so big a deal really. That's just my system.
... ... ...
So, if you see me being very forgiving about someone character, thinking the best of them and giving them all the benefit of the doubt, which I usually am, it actually means I don't really give a shit about them. *smiles* So even if I turn out to be wrong... *apathetic shrug* Nyeh.
Well... Well.... *crickets chirping* WELL... That's a very interesting point of view you've got actually. I gotta say. It's... interesting.
I know. Isn't it cool? *nonchalantly sips chai*
There was a silent moment then.
"Although..." she says suddenly, slowly, running her fingers in circles around the rim of her cup. "It doesn't mean that I don't have the capacity to love you know. I do."
Well that's a good thing Mademoiselle. :) Sometimes people do stuff and say stuff that may make them seem like something, but the truth can be something else. They may not actually be lying. Mademoiselle isn't. They're being truthful. But sometimes, the truth can be a little bit more complicated. Like Mademoiselle's system as discussed above.
Contemplative moment over, she suddenly looked at me.
"You're not gonna write about this are you?" "It's not good for my image. This, *she gestures* all this."
"Well... I might. I could. I... would. Unless you ask me not to, that is." "Do you really want to be seen that way?"
"It's fine by me."
*shakes head slowly* "You and your wall. You know, sentiments are allowed. And letting people know about them is not such a bad thing. You handle it with such distaste like it's a poison."
"Well, look who's talking." She eyes me over her coffee cup.
"Oh go ahead, it doesn't matter anyway. It's not like they even know who I am." she says with another careless wave.
Yes Mademoiselle. They don't know.
I really do have weird friends.
Saturday, 6 March 2010
Missy, Stop All The Waiting.
Missy, could it be that you in some way enjoy the feeling of being a martyr? Of sacrificing your happiness for someone else's? The feeling of being victimised by the circumstances. And is it because you get a feeling deep down inside, and you tell yourself, that someday all your sacrifices will be recognized and you will finally get your moment in the light?
You have this romantic idea that your life is like a movie. And you're the stepped on heroine of the film that everyone pities and feels for. But at the end of the day you get your own and everyone sees that you're the protagonist of the story after all.
...
Well let me tell you Missy, give it up because it's just rubbish. No one out there really sees your sacrifices and even if they do, as if they actually care. No one's keeping tabs or keeping score and it's not like a point buildup system. Whatever you do, it goes unnoticed or forgotten most of the time and there's no one watching to give you the acknowledgement and credit you deserve. There may be. But it's unlikely.
Maybe you feel that God is watching, and he sees everything you have done for everybody else. Maybe you have faith that he will reward all your sorrow with your own joys someday. Maybe. I am a believer too. But somehow I feel that in this world, we're largely responsible to make our own way as well and God mostly leaves us to it, to work at and build our own lives the way we want it to be. Then He helps it along.
You can't just let go and throw it all up in the air and expect them to get sorted out themselves. I'm not saying it can't happen, it can. And it does on occasion. But at the best, you have to do something to help it along. Just in case it needs that extra push.
So protect yourself Missy. And don't spend your life waiting on the sidelines for a reward that may never come. It's not coming Missy! It's not coming. Give it up. And live for yourself more from now on. Sometimes you gotta seek out your own rewards.
It's a romantic idea. It's a romantic train of thought and a romantic way of looking at things. But it just sounds too much like some cliched Cinderella-story like plot.
It won't happen Missy. So don't count on it.
... But when you look away, life may just surprise you very pleasantly indeed.
You have this romantic idea that your life is like a movie. And you're the stepped on heroine of the film that everyone pities and feels for. But at the end of the day you get your own and everyone sees that you're the protagonist of the story after all.
...
Well let me tell you Missy, give it up because it's just rubbish. No one out there really sees your sacrifices and even if they do, as if they actually care. No one's keeping tabs or keeping score and it's not like a point buildup system. Whatever you do, it goes unnoticed or forgotten most of the time and there's no one watching to give you the acknowledgement and credit you deserve. There may be. But it's unlikely.
Maybe you feel that God is watching, and he sees everything you have done for everybody else. Maybe you have faith that he will reward all your sorrow with your own joys someday. Maybe. I am a believer too. But somehow I feel that in this world, we're largely responsible to make our own way as well and God mostly leaves us to it, to work at and build our own lives the way we want it to be. Then He helps it along.
You can't just let go and throw it all up in the air and expect them to get sorted out themselves. I'm not saying it can't happen, it can. And it does on occasion. But at the best, you have to do something to help it along. Just in case it needs that extra push.
So protect yourself Missy. And don't spend your life waiting on the sidelines for a reward that may never come. It's not coming Missy! It's not coming. Give it up. And live for yourself more from now on. Sometimes you gotta seek out your own rewards.
It's a romantic idea. It's a romantic train of thought and a romantic way of looking at things. But it just sounds too much like some cliched Cinderella-story like plot.
It won't happen Missy. So don't count on it.
... But when you look away, life may just surprise you very pleasantly indeed.
There Is A Beauty In Melancholy. And It Is Felt.
A friend of mine asked me today, why I like to post emo stuff. Probably because he felt that there was an overload of emo content in this blog. And when I tried explaining, ... It got me thinking.
Why do I like to post emo stuff? There must be a reason. It's not so that I am emo ALL the time. Is it because joy has nothing to be spoken of? It is only to be felt and enjoyed?
And as I tried to give an answer, a sudden thought occured to me. Could it be that I actually LIKE emo stuff? Not that I dislike happy stuff, but you catch my drift.
All this time I thought I hated emo stuff. Hated the way it makes people and myself feel. Hated the way it tints the world, hated the way it just creeps in and suddenly you're painfully aware of the existance of your heart. Hated the gloom of it. Hated the sadness of it. Hated the... emoness of it all! I thought I had sworn off emoness and that I was practically phobic of it. Yes, sadness.
Could it be, that I too find a certain beuty in sadness? I inadvertantly found myself expressing so much when I tried to explain. I said that there was a certain poetic quality to sadness. Words and sentences just come together nicely when it speaks of... more melancholic things. And the moments those words were out of my mouth I started. Probably because I never really acknowledged that I felt that way about it and saying it out loud suddenly brings it to your attention.
Another friend once told me too that he found sadness beautiful. And at the time, I could not really understand. I found it difficult to wrap my head around the concept that sadness was beautiful. I mean how can it be? When it makes you feel so crummy? And yet, there was a certain familiarity to his words. I knew what it was, just that I thought I was past that stage, over the whole "sadness is beautiful" thing. I thought I was over being the "emo chick".
But this evening suddenly I realized that I do understand! :o And that I for one, found a beauty in sadness too.
You don't have to love being sad or to like being emo to feel that there is a beauty in melancholy and to appreciate it. I believe no one in this world likes being miserable. And people who feel that way are not necessarily chronic depressive people. It's such an abstract and... odd concept! Truly odd! And so weird. I understand but I don't know how and why I understand and it's just hell to explain! :o *laughs*
There is a beauty in sadness. And it is felt. Not really seen or heard, but felt.
So yeah. Now I get it. :)
My friend, that was a truly interesting question you asked me. *smiles*
Why do I like to post emo stuff? There must be a reason. It's not so that I am emo ALL the time. Is it because joy has nothing to be spoken of? It is only to be felt and enjoyed?
And as I tried to give an answer, a sudden thought occured to me. Could it be that I actually LIKE emo stuff? Not that I dislike happy stuff, but you catch my drift.
All this time I thought I hated emo stuff. Hated the way it makes people and myself feel. Hated the way it tints the world, hated the way it just creeps in and suddenly you're painfully aware of the existance of your heart. Hated the gloom of it. Hated the sadness of it. Hated the... emoness of it all! I thought I had sworn off emoness and that I was practically phobic of it. Yes, sadness.
Could it be, that I too find a certain beuty in sadness? I inadvertantly found myself expressing so much when I tried to explain. I said that there was a certain poetic quality to sadness. Words and sentences just come together nicely when it speaks of... more melancholic things. And the moments those words were out of my mouth I started. Probably because I never really acknowledged that I felt that way about it and saying it out loud suddenly brings it to your attention.
Another friend once told me too that he found sadness beautiful. And at the time, I could not really understand. I found it difficult to wrap my head around the concept that sadness was beautiful. I mean how can it be? When it makes you feel so crummy? And yet, there was a certain familiarity to his words. I knew what it was, just that I thought I was past that stage, over the whole "sadness is beautiful" thing. I thought I was over being the "emo chick".
But this evening suddenly I realized that I do understand! :o And that I for one, found a beauty in sadness too.
You don't have to love being sad or to like being emo to feel that there is a beauty in melancholy and to appreciate it. I believe no one in this world likes being miserable. And people who feel that way are not necessarily chronic depressive people. It's such an abstract and... odd concept! Truly odd! And so weird. I understand but I don't know how and why I understand and it's just hell to explain! :o *laughs*
There is a beauty in sadness. And it is felt. Not really seen or heard, but felt.
So yeah. Now I get it. :)
My friend, that was a truly interesting question you asked me. *smiles*
Thursday, 4 March 2010
The Detriment Of Overthinking Things.
There are certain things where you think about it too much and you lose the instinctive ability to deal with it.
That's just what I found myself saying in a conversation with one of my more neurotic friends. And mind you, it's not neurotic in an endearing way. It's neurotic in an overwhelming, snap-out-of-it-because-I-am-THIS-close-to-slapping-you way. And the way which makes you go -_-" a lot of times sometimes during conversation. This friend overthinks things too much. Too much. *scoffs* But then again, look who's talking. I'm probably not that much better off either, but I am not as bad as that lah.
Exactly what we were talking about which got me saying the sentence above, I cannot remember.
That's just what I found myself saying in a conversation with one of my more neurotic friends. And mind you, it's not neurotic in an endearing way. It's neurotic in an overwhelming, snap-out-of-it-because-I-am-THIS-close-to-slapping-you way. And the way which makes you go -_-" a lot of times sometimes during conversation. This friend overthinks things too much. Too much. *scoffs* But then again, look who's talking. I'm probably not that much better off either, but I am not as bad as that lah.
Exactly what we were talking about which got me saying the sentence above, I cannot remember.
What's So Great About Being Opinionated Anyway?
Mademoiselle was a bit peeved today.
"I don't know what's the great deal about opinionated people!" *scoffs*
Apparently, Mademoiselle has discovered that opinionated can often be equal to stubborn, annoying people. Those who cannot accept the opinions of others because they're always right.
Riiiight... Well, she kinda has a point I guess.
Usually, opinionated and outspoken people tend to go a little bit too far in that direction and end up as bossy, overbearing, I-know-better-than-you people. Sad case lah wei. Why do they always, always have to overshoot? I haven't met one who doesn't.
"I'm probably one myself, although as one I probably wouldn't admit it," Mademoiselle said nonchalantly.
Ok...
But she's right. Some people make too big a deal out of it. I mean just because I do not trumpet out everything I feel and think and then insist people agree with me doesn't mean I don't have my own opinions. Just because I sit there quietly and not say anything, doesn't mean I don't have my own thoughts on the matter. It's just an issue of whether I choose to announce them or not.
But people jump to conclusions too easily. They think if you don't speak up about it, you don't have an opinion. And if you tend to agree with what others say or just go with it because you don't mind, they start thinking you have no stand and can be bent to whomsoever's will. They think you're a follower. Take orders, ask no questions. *slaps forehead*
So then what the hell am I supposed to do? Just dispute everything everyone else says eventhough I agree just so that I can "have my own opinion"? That's just stupid. Just to prove that I have my own mind? It's plain ridiculous. And goes somewhere along the lines of trying too hard as well.
And you know sometimes you contradict yourself and then people look at you like, "This girl's just trying to fit in by agreeing with everything everyone else say." Ok, ok please ah, hat doesn't mean you're a flake with no firm stand. You know how with a proverb, there is almost always another proverb countering it. Same story. It depends on the situation.
So now what? If you're not vocal on the borderline of being too vocal, then people just discount you for a weak-minded bimbo with no opinions of her own. But I don't wanna be one of those too overzealous, opinionated people as well. So yeah, sometimes you just feel that this whole "opinionated" thing is just plain overrated. It does not mean you're definitely smart. People can be vocal and be idiots as well. God knows I've met a few of them.
People should just learn not to jump to conclusions so quickly. There is no shortcut when it comes to understanding people. No matter who it is, no matter how well you think you know them.
"I don't know what's the great deal about opinionated people!" *scoffs*
Apparently, Mademoiselle has discovered that opinionated can often be equal to stubborn, annoying people. Those who cannot accept the opinions of others because they're always right.
Riiiight... Well, she kinda has a point I guess.
Usually, opinionated and outspoken people tend to go a little bit too far in that direction and end up as bossy, overbearing, I-know-better-than-you people. Sad case lah wei. Why do they always, always have to overshoot? I haven't met one who doesn't.
"I'm probably one myself, although as one I probably wouldn't admit it," Mademoiselle said nonchalantly.
Ok...
But she's right. Some people make too big a deal out of it. I mean just because I do not trumpet out everything I feel and think and then insist people agree with me doesn't mean I don't have my own opinions. Just because I sit there quietly and not say anything, doesn't mean I don't have my own thoughts on the matter. It's just an issue of whether I choose to announce them or not.
But people jump to conclusions too easily. They think if you don't speak up about it, you don't have an opinion. And if you tend to agree with what others say or just go with it because you don't mind, they start thinking you have no stand and can be bent to whomsoever's will. They think you're a follower. Take orders, ask no questions. *slaps forehead*
So then what the hell am I supposed to do? Just dispute everything everyone else says eventhough I agree just so that I can "have my own opinion"? That's just stupid. Just to prove that I have my own mind? It's plain ridiculous. And goes somewhere along the lines of trying too hard as well.
And you know sometimes you contradict yourself and then people look at you like, "This girl's just trying to fit in by agreeing with everything everyone else say." Ok, ok please ah, hat doesn't mean you're a flake with no firm stand. You know how with a proverb, there is almost always another proverb countering it. Same story. It depends on the situation.
So now what? If you're not vocal on the borderline of being too vocal, then people just discount you for a weak-minded bimbo with no opinions of her own. But I don't wanna be one of those too overzealous, opinionated people as well. So yeah, sometimes you just feel that this whole "opinionated" thing is just plain overrated. It does not mean you're definitely smart. People can be vocal and be idiots as well. God knows I've met a few of them.
People should just learn not to jump to conclusions so quickly. There is no shortcut when it comes to understanding people. No matter who it is, no matter how well you think you know them.
Debaters Syndrome.
It usually happens to debaters, or people who used to be debaters. I have yet to meet one, not a single one, debater who does not have an attitude problem or rumoured to have attitude problems. More than rumours, people actually practically swear by them. So yes, I haven't met a debater, or an ex-debater who does not have a personality issue.
They're either too overbearing, type A types who always want to be the boss and be in charge, or they can get too argumentative to the point it gets really annoying. The I wanna slap you annoying. They just wanna argue about EVERYTHING! Even the colour of the carpet. And they always have to be right. They also tend to have the better-than-you air about them as they go around. It's quite a joke really. You can call it confidence, or arrogance. I call it arrogance. Confidence is knowing where to draw the line.
The public speaking geeks don't tend to have the problem too badly. They may have it, but mostly it seems on a more minor scale. Not as in-your-face as the debating ones. But of course, there are exceptions.
I raised this question once and my friend said that those people are hated because they know what they want and they stand up for it. And they have the substance to fight for it. Riiiight... But really. The colour of the carpet? Letting that one slide probably wouldn't hurt, or would it? Maybe it'll hurt their pride too much that they'll end up hospitalized for a weak out of a wounded ego. -_-"
I am not denying the truth behind his words, it's possible of course. Just not likely. There're people out there who can know what they want and not step on everyone else at the same time you know. But maybe he's just defending them because he's pretty much one of them. One of the ones remoured to have an attitude problem anyway. I don't know him well enough to really tell.
"I used to be a debater and I don't have that problem," Mademoiselle drawls over her cup of tea. ...
"At least, even if I do, maybe I do, I don't know. I keep it really well hidden."
Yeah... Well that's what I'm here for. I'm your moderating influence. That's the reason you don't have that problem.
"Or, I do have it. Just that I have graduated to a higher level of such arrogance in which I can actually stand to lose an argument because then I just think,
'These hopelessly deluded simpletons. They think they know but they don't actually. Ah well, if they insist, they can stay deluded if they want to. I tried to tell them but *shrugs* it's their choice. A fool speaks loudly and boasts about what he doesn't know.'
and then I laugh." With that, she smiles at me over her teacup.
Ok... My Dear Mademoiselle, thank God you have me.
They're either too overbearing, type A types who always want to be the boss and be in charge, or they can get too argumentative to the point it gets really annoying. The I wanna slap you annoying. They just wanna argue about EVERYTHING! Even the colour of the carpet. And they always have to be right. They also tend to have the better-than-you air about them as they go around. It's quite a joke really. You can call it confidence, or arrogance. I call it arrogance. Confidence is knowing where to draw the line.
The public speaking geeks don't tend to have the problem too badly. They may have it, but mostly it seems on a more minor scale. Not as in-your-face as the debating ones. But of course, there are exceptions.
I raised this question once and my friend said that those people are hated because they know what they want and they stand up for it. And they have the substance to fight for it. Riiiight... But really. The colour of the carpet? Letting that one slide probably wouldn't hurt, or would it? Maybe it'll hurt their pride too much that they'll end up hospitalized for a weak out of a wounded ego. -_-"
I am not denying the truth behind his words, it's possible of course. Just not likely. There're people out there who can know what they want and not step on everyone else at the same time you know. But maybe he's just defending them because he's pretty much one of them. One of the ones remoured to have an attitude problem anyway. I don't know him well enough to really tell.
"I used to be a debater and I don't have that problem," Mademoiselle drawls over her cup of tea. ...
"At least, even if I do, maybe I do, I don't know. I keep it really well hidden."
Yeah... Well that's what I'm here for. I'm your moderating influence. That's the reason you don't have that problem.
"Or, I do have it. Just that I have graduated to a higher level of such arrogance in which I can actually stand to lose an argument because then I just think,
'These hopelessly deluded simpletons. They think they know but they don't actually. Ah well, if they insist, they can stay deluded if they want to. I tried to tell them but *shrugs* it's their choice. A fool speaks loudly and boasts about what he doesn't know.'
and then I laugh." With that, she smiles at me over her teacup.
Ok... My Dear Mademoiselle, thank God you have me.
If I Could Move The Moon... *Smiles* Maybe Not.
I was leaning against my car tonight and looking down the street. People were walking about, in and out of the convenience stores, down the pathways, sitting inside the cyber cafes, mamaks or cafes, etc. It was a nice place to be. I liked the merry-ness of the atmosphere there.
Then I turned behind and looked up and lo and behold, there was the moon. Beautiful, dark yellow, almost orangy, three-quarters full and unobscured by clouds. A clear, unobstructed view of it in the sky above the houses.
And I had a thought.
I wish I could move the moon to the patch of sky in front of me because the place where I was standing was not convenient for moon-gazing. I had to cross the street to get a good view.
But then, I thought.
It's not often that you get moments where you coincidentally receive a full, first class view of the moon exactly where you're standing or sitting without needing to move your position to get a better view. And those moments are such, "Wow... This is just so cool," moments.
So if I were to be able to move the moon wherever I wanted in the night sky, then the appreciation for such moments would significantly decrease and maybe even disappear altogether.
So, no. Sometimes it's nice to just get a pleasant surprise when you lean or sit somewhere and look up into the night sky. It's just like getting a little bonus or a treat to make your day a bit. * smiles*
Then I turned behind and looked up and lo and behold, there was the moon. Beautiful, dark yellow, almost orangy, three-quarters full and unobscured by clouds. A clear, unobstructed view of it in the sky above the houses.
And I had a thought.
I wish I could move the moon to the patch of sky in front of me because the place where I was standing was not convenient for moon-gazing. I had to cross the street to get a good view.
But then, I thought.
It's not often that you get moments where you coincidentally receive a full, first class view of the moon exactly where you're standing or sitting without needing to move your position to get a better view. And those moments are such, "Wow... This is just so cool," moments.
So if I were to be able to move the moon wherever I wanted in the night sky, then the appreciation for such moments would significantly decrease and maybe even disappear altogether.
So, no. Sometimes it's nice to just get a pleasant surprise when you lean or sit somewhere and look up into the night sky. It's just like getting a little bonus or a treat to make your day a bit. * smiles*
Mademoiselle Says.
"God, I hate people who think they're better than everyone else!"
Uh... Don't most people. Maybe a Buddhist monk won't, but then again, maybe a Buddhist monk would lecture such people. Anyhow.
"I've got this acquaintance, she's like so selfish! She insists on whining on and on and on again about her issues, her problems, the SAME issue that cannot be solved, and everyone is just too polite to say it outright that they're just plain not interested, or it's become too much. But then another friend started on their story and she's obviously not interested. And she made it no secret either. God, you gotta hate such selfish people. And she thinks she's the best one at the table. She thinks she handled and handles all her situations superbly, most definitely better than anyone else did anyway. And she's so proud of it. Little does she realize that she's the one who's been deluded for oh so long, it's just that I never wanted to tell her in so many words in case I shattered her poor poor heart or she turns on me and it all turns ugly. By the way, I've learned that friends don't tell friends the truth. Not unless you don't wanna remain friends anymore. So much for gratitude. People just SAY they want to know the truth. But in most cases, deep inside they already have their own opinion on the subject and if your "truth" does not coincide with it, then they deny it with a vengeance."
Ok...
"Anyway, so much for handling that situation superbly. God, she's just so high and mighty! And she thinks her assets are like oh so beautiful, good and well taken care of. Uh... household cleaning appliance anyone??? *incredulous look* Geez!"
... Ok... That was... Passionate.
*Sighs* "It's not that I really have anything against her or anything. She not a bad person. It's just... That character of hers can get really off-putting sometimes. And when she thinks she's so much better than everyone else present at the conversation, it gets patronizing and I don't like that. Who would? So... Yeah. I just needed a rant anyway. Even the best of us do." she says with a nonchalant wave of her stick and blows a cloud of smoke in the air.
Ok, I get you Mademoiselle. We do not like people who're know-it-alls and who think they're better than everyone else.
Personally, I agree. Friendship and loyalty and all, it still is very difficult to ignore stuff like that about someone especially when it's done quite a number of times, over and over again. And the thing is, nobody in their right minds is gonna say it out. Not unless they want a huge catfight or fight on their hands. Mademoiselle is right. People say they want the truth but they don't. Not really. They just don't know it.
So what do you think you should do? What would you do about a similar situation? Keep quiet about it, pretend not to notice or know anything and just grin and bear it? Then when you finally can't take it anymore, bitch behind the person's back and finally walk out on the "friendship"? That was a bit extreme by the way.
Yeah, that's about right. That's probably what most people would do.
Uh... Don't most people. Maybe a Buddhist monk won't, but then again, maybe a Buddhist monk would lecture such people. Anyhow.
"I've got this acquaintance, she's like so selfish! She insists on whining on and on and on again about her issues, her problems, the SAME issue that cannot be solved, and everyone is just too polite to say it outright that they're just plain not interested, or it's become too much. But then another friend started on their story and she's obviously not interested. And she made it no secret either. God, you gotta hate such selfish people. And she thinks she's the best one at the table. She thinks she handled and handles all her situations superbly, most definitely better than anyone else did anyway. And she's so proud of it. Little does she realize that she's the one who's been deluded for oh so long, it's just that I never wanted to tell her in so many words in case I shattered her poor poor heart or she turns on me and it all turns ugly. By the way, I've learned that friends don't tell friends the truth. Not unless you don't wanna remain friends anymore. So much for gratitude. People just SAY they want to know the truth. But in most cases, deep inside they already have their own opinion on the subject and if your "truth" does not coincide with it, then they deny it with a vengeance."
Ok...
"Anyway, so much for handling that situation superbly. God, she's just so high and mighty! And she thinks her assets are like oh so beautiful, good and well taken care of. Uh... household cleaning appliance anyone??? *incredulous look* Geez!"
... Ok... That was... Passionate.
*Sighs* "It's not that I really have anything against her or anything. She not a bad person. It's just... That character of hers can get really off-putting sometimes. And when she thinks she's so much better than everyone else present at the conversation, it gets patronizing and I don't like that. Who would? So... Yeah. I just needed a rant anyway. Even the best of us do." she says with a nonchalant wave of her stick and blows a cloud of smoke in the air.
Ok, I get you Mademoiselle. We do not like people who're know-it-alls and who think they're better than everyone else.
Personally, I agree. Friendship and loyalty and all, it still is very difficult to ignore stuff like that about someone especially when it's done quite a number of times, over and over again. And the thing is, nobody in their right minds is gonna say it out. Not unless they want a huge catfight or fight on their hands. Mademoiselle is right. People say they want the truth but they don't. Not really. They just don't know it.
So what do you think you should do? What would you do about a similar situation? Keep quiet about it, pretend not to notice or know anything and just grin and bear it? Then when you finally can't take it anymore, bitch behind the person's back and finally walk out on the "friendship"? That was a bit extreme by the way.
Yeah, that's about right. That's probably what most people would do.
To You, My Dear Fur Elise. But You Don't Even Know It's You.
I know you don't think much of me because of what I do, the things I say and the way I am. But we're all trying in this world and I may have something that you don't. So don't look at me that way, and don't judge me because you don't know me. Let he who has no sin cast the first stone.
F.E, I wish I could know exactly what you think of me and how to change that because somehow, I don't think it'll be good, or even accurate for that matter. I don't know how I came to give that impression in the first place but that seems to be the way it always goes. I can't seem to give the right impression to the people who matter in that sense. Oh God.
You don't send those tracks to me but you send them to someone you've just met like twice. I know it's nothing but it makes me wonder, hmmm... why? Is it because you don't think I'll appreciate them? And you feel like doing so would be wasted effort?
You never bother to make conversation back. I am at the end of my rope here. There're only so many questions I can ask you and if you don't start talking soon instead of just sitting there and shutting up, well... Oh hell, I've already given up. It's come to the point where I'm too busy thinking of what to say next to keep the conversation going that I'm not even listening to you anymore. You know what desperation is? It looks a bit like that. It feels as if you aren't interested in anyone else but yourself, heck maybe you really aren't. I'm not in for an interview. I want a CONVERSATION. And in my frantic attemps to find SOMETHING to say, I even find myself blurting out painfully obvious things, saying stupid things and parroting what you say, only with a different sentence structure. And everytime I do that, particularly the first and second one, I kick myself over it because I feel so stupid. But finally I realized, it's not my bloody fault! If you would start asking some questions as well like in a NORMAL, equal conversation, I wouldn't have needed to resort to that or I wouldn't be so desperate for something to say that my brain cells all start to malfunction. But then, *shrugs* maybe that's just you.
I begin to wonder, should I even invite you out anymore when I'm in the neighbourhood because if the conversation is as painful for you as it is for me, then you'd groan everytime you see an sms from me. And why do you keep agreeing then? Or are you someone who just finds it hard to say no unless you're really tied up with something? I wish I knew so that if it is so, I can just spare you the misery and not call you out anymore.
What did that question and that statement mean anyway? Is it all just friendly banter and did you end up with your foot in your mouth just because you have nothing else to say, or did you really mean to imply something by it? Do you really see me as that vain and shallow a person? Because seriously, it's got me wondering.
And why did you seem slightly offended when Jimmi made that harmless statement? Is it that bad to be associated with me, or to be said to be enjoying a conversation with me? Is it because you disagree vehemently on that? *scoffs* Is it because you're afraid that I might take it the wrong way and start feeling for you? Or is it merely because you dislike being blamed as a distraction? Are you really THAT sensitive? On this one I am genuinely clueless as to why.
For some reason, I don't even feel comfortable saying out that we have whatever we're talking about in common because I am afraid that you'll just think that I am simply saying it to agree, or make conversation, or to fit in, or to make you like me more or whatever dumb reason there is out there. It's ridiculous. Why does it feel like you have such bad, cruel and harsh judgements of people anyway? Maybe it's because you do.
An image of what you are like as a person has started to build up based on the conversations we've had and I think that by now I've got a pretty clear picture, at least on certain subject matters. I doubt you even know I know this. Based on how things've been going, you probably think I'm absolutely clueless. *rolls eyes* Good Lord. Those times you've tried explaining your thought processes, you think I have no clue what you're talking about and that I don't understand. I can feel it. It could just be paranoia and I could be wrong, but, you know, I'm not. I know and understand about you more than you think I do.
I have no idea what I've done or said that gave such bad impressions but like I said, it always happens this way. Somehow, the impression I give is never right in situations like these. I seriously don't know what to do ady lah. It's like some cruel, sick joke.
Don't write me off just yet, although, look who's talking. I've already pretty much written you off.
F.E, I wish I could know exactly what you think of me and how to change that because somehow, I don't think it'll be good, or even accurate for that matter. I don't know how I came to give that impression in the first place but that seems to be the way it always goes. I can't seem to give the right impression to the people who matter in that sense. Oh God.
You don't send those tracks to me but you send them to someone you've just met like twice. I know it's nothing but it makes me wonder, hmmm... why? Is it because you don't think I'll appreciate them? And you feel like doing so would be wasted effort?
You never bother to make conversation back. I am at the end of my rope here. There're only so many questions I can ask you and if you don't start talking soon instead of just sitting there and shutting up, well... Oh hell, I've already given up. It's come to the point where I'm too busy thinking of what to say next to keep the conversation going that I'm not even listening to you anymore. You know what desperation is? It looks a bit like that. It feels as if you aren't interested in anyone else but yourself, heck maybe you really aren't. I'm not in for an interview. I want a CONVERSATION. And in my frantic attemps to find SOMETHING to say, I even find myself blurting out painfully obvious things, saying stupid things and parroting what you say, only with a different sentence structure. And everytime I do that, particularly the first and second one, I kick myself over it because I feel so stupid. But finally I realized, it's not my bloody fault! If you would start asking some questions as well like in a NORMAL, equal conversation, I wouldn't have needed to resort to that or I wouldn't be so desperate for something to say that my brain cells all start to malfunction. But then, *shrugs* maybe that's just you.
I begin to wonder, should I even invite you out anymore when I'm in the neighbourhood because if the conversation is as painful for you as it is for me, then you'd groan everytime you see an sms from me. And why do you keep agreeing then? Or are you someone who just finds it hard to say no unless you're really tied up with something? I wish I knew so that if it is so, I can just spare you the misery and not call you out anymore.
What did that question and that statement mean anyway? Is it all just friendly banter and did you end up with your foot in your mouth just because you have nothing else to say, or did you really mean to imply something by it? Do you really see me as that vain and shallow a person? Because seriously, it's got me wondering.
And why did you seem slightly offended when Jimmi made that harmless statement? Is it that bad to be associated with me, or to be said to be enjoying a conversation with me? Is it because you disagree vehemently on that? *scoffs* Is it because you're afraid that I might take it the wrong way and start feeling for you? Or is it merely because you dislike being blamed as a distraction? Are you really THAT sensitive? On this one I am genuinely clueless as to why.
For some reason, I don't even feel comfortable saying out that we have whatever we're talking about in common because I am afraid that you'll just think that I am simply saying it to agree, or make conversation, or to fit in, or to make you like me more or whatever dumb reason there is out there. It's ridiculous. Why does it feel like you have such bad, cruel and harsh judgements of people anyway? Maybe it's because you do.
An image of what you are like as a person has started to build up based on the conversations we've had and I think that by now I've got a pretty clear picture, at least on certain subject matters. I doubt you even know I know this. Based on how things've been going, you probably think I'm absolutely clueless. *rolls eyes* Good Lord. Those times you've tried explaining your thought processes, you think I have no clue what you're talking about and that I don't understand. I can feel it. It could just be paranoia and I could be wrong, but, you know, I'm not. I know and understand about you more than you think I do.
I have no idea what I've done or said that gave such bad impressions but like I said, it always happens this way. Somehow, the impression I give is never right in situations like these. I seriously don't know what to do ady lah. It's like some cruel, sick joke.
Don't write me off just yet, although, look who's talking. I've already pretty much written you off.
Tuesday, 2 March 2010
Water: It's Fate I Tell You.
Ok get this. I get into the car with Water and as he turns on the engine, the radio comes on too, and Colbie Caillat's song "Falling For You" was playing. I sang along for a bit, it's a nice song.
We get to a toll, and as he pays the toll attendant, "Don't Stop Believing" by the cast of Glee was playing on the radio channel. I told him about it, we talked about the song for a bit, talked about Glee for a bit, all as he continued driving to the airport.
Now, airport business done, items picked up and dropped off, we got into the car again. And Water turned on the engine again, and voila! "Falling For You" by Colbie Caillat was playing. AGAIN. And it was almost at the same point of the song when the engine came on the first time as well. OK... that was creepy.
We approach another toll, this time on the way back and suddenly, "Don't Stop Believing" by the cast of Glee started playing. AGAIN. And so as Water paid the toll, the song was at about the same point as when he paid the toll the first time! I actually said as I heard the intro, "This sounds a lot like the Glee song. Don't tell me... OMG IT IS!!!" O.O *boggled expression*
Now that, is just plain cool. Water says it's fate. We started the journey to the airport at exactly the point where the radio station was airing "Falling For You" and got to a toll booth at the same point where "Don't Stop Believing" was beginning. We stopped at the airport, spent some time there, and started our journey back at EXACTLY the same time the radio station was re-playing/re-airing the song "Falling For You" and got to a toll booth at EXACTLY the same time the same radio station was re-airing "Don't Stop Believing".
It was ridiculous!!! It was such a coincidence, such a huge coincidence that it was ridiculous!!! Holy shit, that was seriously damn friggin' cool wei.
Water just said, "It's fate." And after some marvelling at the whole incident, I just said too, "Yeah, I guess it is fate." For lack of a better word to describe it. Freaky huh? Amazing huh? It was just so damn bloody cool!!! I just HAD to say something and tell people about it. *grins*
We get to a toll, and as he pays the toll attendant, "Don't Stop Believing" by the cast of Glee was playing on the radio channel. I told him about it, we talked about the song for a bit, talked about Glee for a bit, all as he continued driving to the airport.
Now, airport business done, items picked up and dropped off, we got into the car again. And Water turned on the engine again, and voila! "Falling For You" by Colbie Caillat was playing. AGAIN. And it was almost at the same point of the song when the engine came on the first time as well. OK... that was creepy.
We approach another toll, this time on the way back and suddenly, "Don't Stop Believing" by the cast of Glee started playing. AGAIN. And so as Water paid the toll, the song was at about the same point as when he paid the toll the first time! I actually said as I heard the intro, "This sounds a lot like the Glee song. Don't tell me... OMG IT IS!!!" O.O *boggled expression*
Now that, is just plain cool. Water says it's fate. We started the journey to the airport at exactly the point where the radio station was airing "Falling For You" and got to a toll booth at the same point where "Don't Stop Believing" was beginning. We stopped at the airport, spent some time there, and started our journey back at EXACTLY the same time the radio station was re-playing/re-airing the song "Falling For You" and got to a toll booth at EXACTLY the same time the same radio station was re-airing "Don't Stop Believing".
It was ridiculous!!! It was such a coincidence, such a huge coincidence that it was ridiculous!!! Holy shit, that was seriously damn friggin' cool wei.
Water just said, "It's fate." And after some marvelling at the whole incident, I just said too, "Yeah, I guess it is fate." For lack of a better word to describe it. Freaky huh? Amazing huh? It was just so damn bloody cool!!! I just HAD to say something and tell people about it. *grins*
If I Could Have Any Wish.
You know those stories like Aladdin, where the hero finds a magic lamp and suddenly he has 3 wishes. Any three wishes he could want.
Well, I if I could have three wishes from a magical genie, I would ask for
- The ability to know anything and everything whenever I want to know it. And,
- The ability to do anything and everything whenever I want to with ease.
As for the third, I don't know. But with those two, I can practically have everything I could ever want anyway so why would I need a third I guess.
Sometimes and on certain days, you know, you just really wish you could have superpowers. On certain days or moments, I really wish I could have the two powers listed above.
There are just so many things I want to know, so many things I need to know. And you know if you want something with all your heart? Sometimes you just wish that you knew just how to get it. How to go about it. What path to take. What to do. And once you know, you wish that you could do it with ease, even if it seems like such an impossible task. Because sometimes there're just things that you wish you could do, things that you wish you could make happen for you. And with those powers, everything would be settled, just like that. No need to think too much. No need to worry so much. Your future is in your hands. Completely. Now wouldn't that be swell?
Well, I if I could have three wishes from a magical genie, I would ask for
- The ability to know anything and everything whenever I want to know it. And,
- The ability to do anything and everything whenever I want to with ease.
As for the third, I don't know. But with those two, I can practically have everything I could ever want anyway so why would I need a third I guess.
Sometimes and on certain days, you know, you just really wish you could have superpowers. On certain days or moments, I really wish I could have the two powers listed above.
There are just so many things I want to know, so many things I need to know. And you know if you want something with all your heart? Sometimes you just wish that you knew just how to get it. How to go about it. What path to take. What to do. And once you know, you wish that you could do it with ease, even if it seems like such an impossible task. Because sometimes there're just things that you wish you could do, things that you wish you could make happen for you. And with those powers, everything would be settled, just like that. No need to think too much. No need to worry so much. Your future is in your hands. Completely. Now wouldn't that be swell?
A Singer In A Smoky Room... Sometimes You Don't Need To Go To It. Life Finds You Wherever You Are. Maybe You're Right Where You're Meant To Be.
Just a small town girl,
Living in a lonely world,
She took the midnight train going anywhere...
Just a city boy,
Born and raised in South Detroit,
He took the midnight train going anywhere...
A singer in a smoky room,
The smell of wine and cheap perfume...
For a smile they can share the night,
It goes on and on and on and on...
Journey - Don't Stop Believing.
What does this song say to you?
To me, it says that there are many people in this world, random strangers to you and me and we're all just waiting. Waiting for that moment, to meet, and to enter each others' lives. Who knows what serendipitous step you might take, like the two totally unconnected individuals both boarding the "midnight train going anywhere" and the singer in "a smoky room", which could take you to places you never imagined and form unexpected connections with people you never thought about?
I began my journey obsessive, controlling, I needed to steer my life and exactly where I was headed. I knew where I wanted to go, Taylors, for there was my crowd. There was where I belonged.
But a twist of events and I don't quite know how but I ended up in the MPC. I resented it at first. Thought that I had just jumped into a pool of ducks and I was the only goose. I couldn't see how things could work out here. I felt like I was out of place.
Then things happened for me, and now I realize that wherever you are, you're there for a reason. You were put there for a reason.
I met wonderful people at the MPC, I formed beautiful friendships. I learned so much it still bewilders me sometimes, and now when I think of it, if I had not gone to the MPC, there would've been so many people I would've never met and so many things that would've never happened for me. It's all connected. And it's all possible because, I came to the MPC instead of going to Taylors.
So I know now, I realize it now that wherever you are, you were put there for a reason. It's the path you're supposed to be on. And as humans we cannot see the future, but I'd like to think that someone up there has it all planned out for us and has nudged us here for the specific purpose of showing us just that.
Maybe I was rerouted to the MPC instead of going to Taylors for a reason. I may not realize it but coming to the MPC might have been the step I needed to take to reach where I want to be and someone up there knows better than me. That's why I'm here.
As Water always says, "Have faith".
And so that is why now I no longer stress too much about where I go, be it the UK or Australia. Because if things can happen for me in an "unknown dump" like the MPC, then who knows, maybe wherever I end up going, things will happen for me there too.
I once thought it was impossible to get what I wanted if I did not go to the exact place I planned to go, but now I know that it isn't true. The most unexpected, and pleasant surprises can come to you even in the place where you would least expect it.
Maybe wherever I go, it is the place where I was meant to be, and it is there my future awaits me. It is the place where things will happen for me and it is where I will find my, pardon the "cliche", destiny. Maybe it is where I will find my dreams, and where I will fulfill my utmost desires, whether it be the UK, Australia or the USA.
It is not true that your calling can only find you if you go to one specific place. Life finds you anywhere you go, and who knows, maybe if you let go a little and go with the flow, it will take you to beautiful places you never thought you could reach. Whichever of the three countries I end up going, I have faith that my dreams will come knocking on my door and I will be able to take another step forward, just like it did here eventhough I am in the MPC instead of where I was "supposed" to be.
Living in a lonely world,
She took the midnight train going anywhere...
Just a city boy,
Born and raised in South Detroit,
He took the midnight train going anywhere...
A singer in a smoky room,
The smell of wine and cheap perfume...
For a smile they can share the night,
It goes on and on and on and on...
Journey - Don't Stop Believing.
What does this song say to you?
To me, it says that there are many people in this world, random strangers to you and me and we're all just waiting. Waiting for that moment, to meet, and to enter each others' lives. Who knows what serendipitous step you might take, like the two totally unconnected individuals both boarding the "midnight train going anywhere" and the singer in "a smoky room", which could take you to places you never imagined and form unexpected connections with people you never thought about?
I began my journey obsessive, controlling, I needed to steer my life and exactly where I was headed. I knew where I wanted to go, Taylors, for there was my crowd. There was where I belonged.
But a twist of events and I don't quite know how but I ended up in the MPC. I resented it at first. Thought that I had just jumped into a pool of ducks and I was the only goose. I couldn't see how things could work out here. I felt like I was out of place.
Then things happened for me, and now I realize that wherever you are, you're there for a reason. You were put there for a reason.
I met wonderful people at the MPC, I formed beautiful friendships. I learned so much it still bewilders me sometimes, and now when I think of it, if I had not gone to the MPC, there would've been so many people I would've never met and so many things that would've never happened for me. It's all connected. And it's all possible because, I came to the MPC instead of going to Taylors.
So I know now, I realize it now that wherever you are, you were put there for a reason. It's the path you're supposed to be on. And as humans we cannot see the future, but I'd like to think that someone up there has it all planned out for us and has nudged us here for the specific purpose of showing us just that.
Maybe I was rerouted to the MPC instead of going to Taylors for a reason. I may not realize it but coming to the MPC might have been the step I needed to take to reach where I want to be and someone up there knows better than me. That's why I'm here.
As Water always says, "Have faith".
And so that is why now I no longer stress too much about where I go, be it the UK or Australia. Because if things can happen for me in an "unknown dump" like the MPC, then who knows, maybe wherever I end up going, things will happen for me there too.
I once thought it was impossible to get what I wanted if I did not go to the exact place I planned to go, but now I know that it isn't true. The most unexpected, and pleasant surprises can come to you even in the place where you would least expect it.
Maybe wherever I go, it is the place where I was meant to be, and it is there my future awaits me. It is the place where things will happen for me and it is where I will find my, pardon the "cliche", destiny. Maybe it is where I will find my dreams, and where I will fulfill my utmost desires, whether it be the UK, Australia or the USA.
It is not true that your calling can only find you if you go to one specific place. Life finds you anywhere you go, and who knows, maybe if you let go a little and go with the flow, it will take you to beautiful places you never thought you could reach. Whichever of the three countries I end up going, I have faith that my dreams will come knocking on my door and I will be able to take another step forward, just like it did here eventhough I am in the MPC instead of where I was "supposed" to be.
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