I just found out today that he said to my friend, if ever he finds someone it will be someone like her. Who knows about the bad things in the world but chooses to ignore it.
When I found out about that, I felt like I had just been stabbed through the heart and I could feel it bleeding out, slowly at first but then gathering into a stream of red. And of course the numbing sensation when I had to smile and nod and pretend that it didn't affect me as much as it did.
He lied to me all this time. Or maybe he just lives in a different world in which the rules aren't the same. And I've just been the fool trying to play along to a game I didn't understand.
At this point, I am tempted to feel sorry for myself and curse the world at how unfair this is. And who knows, I might still do that. I know my heart is definitely still bleeding and I am roiling pit of seething anger and indignance and of course, sadness. This is highly reminiscent of what happened with the previous guy and my friend. And to have it happen AGAIN??? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???!!! That's just mean man. That can't be a coincidence. I mean, I wouldn't consider this to be such a common occurance that it justifies the coincidence of it happening twice in a row, or twice ever!!! So it's starting to look like a pattern or someone is just really having some fun stomping on my heart again and again.
I knew my worries were justified. To have someone call you insane and paranoid and then have the very thing you're worried about happen right in front of you. It reeks of unfairness and also a sense of "Ha! I told you so! Why are you victimising me?!" And it hurts.
If you knew I wasn't going to be it all along then why are you still spending your time with me and showering me with affection and making me believe that I could have a chance? Why are you stringing me along like this? Why did I even get with guys who clearly prefer my friends over me??? Why do guys prefer my friends over me??? What the fuck???
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