I don't understand just what I see in Ebony. But my limited understanding tells me so far that it's because we're both broken and in the same way. There is an emptiness in me that seeks out the company of the emptiness in him. And desires to sit in a room, in opposite corners and just brood; two empty shells, content for a moment in each other's company of kindred spirits.
It feels like somehow, Ebony is the more extreme male version of me. Both lonely but finding ways to cover it up, shove it under the rug and too proud to show it to the world. Arrogant, egoistic, proud, stubborn and manifesting it all in a similar way.
I would like to think that I am right, and I have found a like soul in Ebony. The same kind of empty, yet somewhere in a small, minute corner the same kind of hopeful as well. Like a game of matching patterns, I'd like to think I found my matching pattern in him. And there is a particular elation, somewhat like joy, maybe a comfort, in the company of someone whom you feel is just like you; in a soul that one believes mirrors one's own. We're all similar in one way or another. But that degree of similarity is hard to find. Maybe that resonance is hard to find which is what draws one to another. I would like to think this is true.
However, I also know the faults and limitations of the human perception and it's capacity for delusion. It is true that we are always prone to see what isn't even really there in the first place. Because it stands to reason that if it truly does resonate then both sides will feel the pull does it not? Thus if he does not, it might be but a fragment of my imagination. Drawing lines and connecting dots that aren't even really there in the first place. And he does not does he. One would believe one would be able to tell if the other does.
Thus have I fallen to the faults of my own humanity and drawn conclusions that are totally false in their interpretation. It seems I may have as I always do.
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