Confession.

I'm in love with you. You've never given me anything and yet I've fallen in love with you. I don't need your sympathy, I don't need your pity. And I know you don't love me back but there was a time when I couldn't imagine life without you. Life without you wouldn't be worth living and even thinking about it filled me with fear and dread. You were everything to me. There is nothing special about Newcastle. You made this city beautiful for me. Because this city is where I met you and this city is where you are and all I ever wanted was to be with you forever. I loved you that much. 

But sometimes I'm scared for you. I don't know what you're doing and what your ambitions would lead to. I don't know if it's safe and I don't know if it's healthy or if it's recommended. I'm afraid that you will go somewhere that I cannot follow and you will retreat into a place where you will be alone forever. And you will be happy. But I will lose you forever. Not that I ever had you. I don't know if you're truly happy. But a part of me quietly feels that you are still searching; always searching for something. And you wish to go higher and higher, as far up as possible and as far away from the possibility that the feelings and insecurities that used to hurt you before can hurt you again. But that feels like running. I may be wrong but in my mind, what you seem to be looking for to me is a peace and contentment where you don't need to run, you don't need to climb higher; where you can just be and be happy and content. And you don't seem to have found it yet. You feel that you can find it maybe in climbing higher and exploring new avenues of feeling good but maybe you're not looking in the right ways or in the right places. I want you to find what you're looking for, but I don't think it's where you think it is. I'm afraid that you won't find it because you're looking in the wrong place, and I'm also afraid that in looking there you will go further than I can follow and you will be lost in your new direction even though it isn't what you wanted in the first place. But maybe I'm just scared of losing you.