We All Have Our Own Sorrows.

We all have our own sorrows. I look to my left and to my right, and I am surrounded by people who have their own sorrows. The girl on my left, she too has had bad luck in love and had her heart broken by someone who wasn't worthy of it to begin with. And there are people who are upset because of the bad grades they maybe received today. Because of the fear of the prospect of receiving bad grades. Because they perceive themselves to be disliked by others. Because they were treated disrespectfully. Because they are embroiled in a course that breaks down your walls of confidence and makes you feel like shit. We all have our own sorrows. The story is never really only knee deep. And we cannot hope to understand most of what others may be going through. We are after all only huma. We are flawed and short-sighted in our vision; and selfish, and uncaring and we only have the capacity to deal with what lies within our world and nothing else outside of it. But I suppose this is how it is meant to be. This is biology. And we who have gained sentience, we realise this and we question it and we think long and hard about it but we can never change it.

It has been a subject of great dilemma for me. There came a suddenly rush of people with sorrows the moment when I decided to maybe put aside my own and try to forget and rid myself of negativity. An ambitious pursuit sure, but it was about time. Then the rush came and I was a but overwhelmed. Naturally I was annoyed. Part of me knew that all sorrows are legitimate because they are real to the person feeling it regardless of how we think of it. It would be arrogant of anyone to claim otherwise. Reality is our perception of it. But it was difficult to bear that in mind when suddenly people were coming along with what felt like unmeritorious claims to my all too human heart or less meritorious claims. I was struggling, feeling like I was pulling a load with every effort of mine to shrug off negativity but there were people left and right, obsessed and depressed and leaning on me for smaller issues than my own. A primal part of me grit its teeth in frustration and impatience. I wanted to shrug them off, tired of dealing with my own problems alone as well as theirs. But I felt guilty. Guilty and ashamed of my own selfishness. We all hope to have someone to lean on when times of trouble come a-calling. And naturally we wouldn't lean on those we do not trust. And let's face it, no one finds it fun to be the wall that someone constantly bounces their problems off of, especially the same problems all the damn time. I know what it is like to have been rebuked by someone who I trusted but turned out couldn't care less about me and I do not want to inflict that pain upon anybody. But I was tired, and I was feeling somewhat at the edge of my capacity. And I felt guilty for my less than noble thoughts. There is a saying I read somewhere that said, "Your greatest test is when you are able to bless someone else while you are going through your own storm." So does that mean I have failed the test? Have I passed?

We all have our own sorrows. I love him so much. But I can't take this anymore. I must let go. The very thought of it brings tears to my eyes and I hurt so much I can practically feel my heart slowly pulling apart down the centre. I can practically hear the bleeding crack while it breaks all over again. Why does he treat me like this? What have I done to deserve this. Questions no doubt every woman in a bad arrnagement with someone they love have no doubt asked endlessly to no avail. I can't take this anymore. I must let go.