Questions on Fixation. Whatever for?

I've always been acutely aware of my own existence and questioned daily my purpose on this earth. Such awareness comes with two things. Fear and a constant inability to reconcile your place in this world. Especially when things get hard. 

I've been taken to thinking lately about my past relationship again and what it means to me. And I am struck by how much I am embarrassed by how I behaved when I was in that relationship. How spoiled how bratty. Has it changed me and affected me? No doubt. It probably has. But that is such a complicated cause and effect exercise that I cannot figure out how exactly. If nothing else it showed me that what I did was wrong. How I approached it was wrong. And how I dealt with my insecurities was wrong. And I had so many of them. He was my stamping board and how I viewed relationships probably due to my naïveté was definitely skewed. I understand now to a deeper extent what relationships are and what they're not meant to be. And it's glaring how much mistakes I made in my past one. Am I able to be in a good, healthy relationship now that I know this? God only knows. I don't know. What I learned from all this introspection is also I can't question too much and everything of what I do, what I say and everything that I am. Sometimes it's ok to just let go and exist for that is what we're meant to do. Why question everything in life and make yourself so rigid? Burdened by all the questions and notions of what you should be and who you shouldn't be. To whose standards? Life is hampered that way and you're perpetually in a state of hyper awareness like you're controlling an avatar in a video game. That shouldn't be the case. I am learning slowly how to let go and not question every inch of my existence and who I am. I should just let go and let it happen naturally. Let me flow from me naturally and maybe then world will take on a less than mechanical, incomprehensible tone and soften into the softer shades and hues of a happier humanity.